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Bruce LaFontaine

I was waiting patiently in line at the supermarket yesterday while the woman in front of me proceeded to pay with a series of coupons, food stamps, some sort of government check, bartering a chicken and plasma. That's my superpower in life- I can find the slowest check out line in any situation.

But that's neither here nor there because something happened. I was perusing the impulse buys when I espied this little book nestled nonchalantly between the tabloids and smutty womens' magazines:

shiny fast cars stickers


I was taken by the title. I don't know why considering that a book filled with shiny fast cars stickers deserves the title "Shiny Fast Cars Stickers," but it's so straightforward it almost becomes complicated.

shiny fast cars book
Back Cover


I picked the book up and noticed the back cover. Once again, it bears the title, but then there's the "Bruce LaFontaine." What does it mean? Did Bruce LaFontaine illustrate the stickers? Did he commission them? Is it a brand I've never heard of? And why does it say it's an original Dover work?

inside cover
More Bruce LaFontaine


The inside cover just adds to the confusion. Once again it just says Bruce LaFontaine- though it does go on to say that Shiny Fast Cars Stickers is a new work first published by Dover in 2004.

We haven't even gotten to the shiny fast cars stickers and already I'm confused. What's a Bruce LaFontaine and are there apocryphal shiny fast cars stickers books out there? Have I been living in a hole for the past thirty odd years?

When Bear saw the book sitting on our counter she chuckled and asked if she could have the stickers to give to her students. Then she changed the subject to I don't even know what because my brain was stuck in a loop repeating "Bruce LaFontaine" like some sort of deranged hindu.

I needed answers and I needed them fast. It turns out a Bruce LaFontaine is a person- actually it turns out that there are quite a few Bruce LaFontaines. This alone was astounding.

Doing a quick Amazon search I found that Bruce Lafontaine has written a total of 59 childrens' books. I don't know if Bruce LaFontaine counts Shiny Fast Cars Stickers as one of the 59 because it's not really a book so much as it is a collection of shiny stickers of fast cars (we'll get to those later).

The other thing I learned is that people named Bruce Lafontaine don't care about Facebook privacy settings.

bruce lafontaine rollerblades


I got excited when I saw this Bruce LaFontaine's profile, but a quick search of Linked In confirmed that this Bruce LaFontaine works in Minnesota and is not the author of Shiny Fast Cars Stickers ("Got the wrong LaFontaine," I muttered).

No, that Bruce LaFontaine lives in Rochester NY and lists his profession as an independent publishing professional. I don't think our Bruce LaFontaine rollerblades much as his Facebook profile seems a bit tamer by comparison. The odd thing is that Bruce LaFontaine only has 18 Facebook friends. You'd think the author of Shiny Fast Cars Stickers would have more Facebook friends than Facebook allows, but nope, just 18. Maybe he's highly discriminatory, or maybe he just never logs in. I thought about sending him a friend request, maybe we all should because Bruce LaFontaine seems lonely.

The other thing that struck me as odd is that prior to me writing this, Bruce LaFontaine didn't have a subreddit. Don't worry, Bruce LaFontaine, I fixed that for you.

shiny fast cars stickers


The shiny fast cars stickers are by far the fastest and shiniest stickers I have ever laid eyes on. No wonder Bruce LaFontaine has so many imitators. Thats why you pay a bit extra for the real deal. So is Bear going to get the stickers for her students? Not these shiny fast cars, these are going in a safe place as I'm pretty confident they'll appreciate in value.

BRUCE LAFONTAINE



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