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Comix Mix Makes Halloween Gross

As a kid, trick or treating was a serious business. You only had a precious few hours to collect as much sugar as possible. Being successful at this racket meant knowing where the rich people lived, choosing a costume that wouldn't slow you down, and ditching the little brother as soon as possible. A knowledge of Euler's Circuits didn't hurt either. If executed properly, you not only got a lot of candy, but you got good candy.

bad candy


But this entry isn't about good candy. It's about the other stuff. The pennies, bible verses, and circus peanuts. The stuff that made you question why someone would even bother handing this stuff out. Why not just turn off your porch light instead and spare us all the trouble?

Comix mix is one of those candies. On the outside, they promise something interesting with their brightly colored boxes. It's mysterious because they don't really even mention the candy.

candy


It's as if the maker of this stuff is trying to distract you. Hey, check out the cool pictures of comic book heroes. Unlike a circus peanut, this stuff looks totally safe from the outside. It's when you open the box for a treat...

halloween


So that's what they've been doing with all those candy cigarettes they can't sell. And they're not even the good ones with the gum wrapped in paper that allowed you to actually blow smoke. No, these are the ones that looked and tasted like chalk.

How anyone can keep a straight face while trying to pass this off as candy is beyond me. The really bad part is that I only bought these because they scarred me as a kid. Only back then (or maybe it was a different brand), the candy was even worse.

I'm just saying that if you pass this stuff out on Halloween, don't be surprised if you wake up the next morning to find your mailbox missing, your house egged, or the remnants of your cat.



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