OnePageWonder stories to read alone at night

Halloween Marshmallow Pop

As a kid, Disney and Halloween were two peas in a pod. Every year, the Disney Channel would play their Halloween special, consisting mostly of classic clips of villains and their old Halloween cartoons. It was great. The Magic Mirror hosted it and the musical numbers are still burned into my head. And who could forget the classic Ichabod Crane cartoon?

So the thought of Disney releasing Halloween products should seem natural. But the Disney Halloween Marshmallow Pop is anything but.

halloween disney pop

This year, Disney's released a series of sculpted marshmallow pops in the likes of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger in their Halloween getup. I know the pic above makes it look a bit like Han in carbonite, so let's give Tigger some air:

tigger sucker

On closer inspection, you'll see that these suckers are basically giant Peeps with frosting on them. They have the same sort of sparkling sugar coating as peeps. Except that these are made in China, so that might actually be asbestos. But it is sparkly.

I have to admit that my original intent was simply to document the fact that these things exist. But I couldn't help but take a bite:

halloween pop

I helped myself to a nibble and immediately felt the sugar enter my bloodstream. These things are blindingly sweet and they're marshmallow so you have to work them a bit in your mouth before attempting to swallow - which gives you time to enjoy the subtleties of having a mouthful of sugar, marshmallow and frosting.

This is one of those candy novelties that's meant to be given as a gift, not eaten. Now you could argue that people know they're not really supposed to eat the Disney Marshmallow Pop because it's a giant fluorescent sugar and frosted covered marshmallow. It's like your dad's penis- it doesn't belong in your mouth.

But if that's the implication, then why not make these things out of felt?

disney halloween pop

Even Gertie was confused by this thing and she eats anything. For Gertie, our daily walks are buffets. She'll eat poop. But the Disney Halloween Marshmallow Pop threw her for a loop.

I'm not saying it isn't kind of fetching. Doesn't Tigger look fetching with his broom and hat? But be warned, if someone presents this to you while trick-or-treating, don't mistake it for food. And tell them they should buy American instead of supporting those communists.

comments powered by Disqus

  1. Halloween Cookie Bake

  2. Candy Corn Flavored Dots

  3. Halloween Candy Bowl

  4. Summer Recap

  5. Water Rocket Riot

  6. Circus Peanuts Make Jesus Cry

  7. Chocolate Coins

  8. Wack-O-Wax

  9. Halloween Marshmallow Pop

  10. 4th of July

  11. Comix Mix Makes Halloween Gross

    HALLOWEEN 2017

    HALLOWEEN 2016


One Page Wonder